Do I have the right Tool Box?

Recently, since this move to Eutaw, my family has slipped into a ridiculously sloppy habit of thinking everything and everywhere here is safe.
We live in an up & coming shopping neighborhood, and seriously there are freaks here. Already I have seen freaky homeless people loitering outside of the major grocery store not 1,000 yards from my house....Already I have seen a man get arrested in the Church parking lot across the street...on the ground, with handcuffs and lots of sirens and everything.
But my family still thinks we live in la-la land. OH! And they think that all the rules that have existed in our family since the birth of all of them do NOT EXIST HERE.
My teenager took it upon herself to make choices tonight that COMPLETELY FLIPPED ME OUT FOR AN HOUR....
We have a standing order that if there are no activities or cancelled activities, or misunderstandings, that the child in question is to call me and I will come at once to pick them up. We are, I KID YOU NOT, literally 1 minute from the Church. (no this would not be the church across the street...that'd be too convenient.)
So... I dropped her & her brother off for her activity. The others had their activities at homes of their leaders.
An hour after her activity was to be over, and an hour of me driving all around the activity site...I call her leader at home. Her husband answered and mentioned that she was in the shower but he would ask her.
She picked up the phone. "She never showed up.""WHAT!? I DROPPED HER OFF AT THE CHURCH."
"Oh... it was at my house. We thought maybe your family had other things to do...and maybe forgot."
At that moment, Miss "I am a teenager and oh so responsible, that I have to boss everyone around because I'm the boss" shows up with an A&W cup and a sassy attitude.
Um. Excuse me. I don't think so. I not-so-graciously end my conversation with her leader.
Me:"Uh, where've ya been??"
Her: "Well, no one showed up for YW, so I went with the YM".
Me:"You couldn't call me and let me know that?"
Her:flip of the hair "Nope. No phones."
Me: not sure if I'm irritated because of the attitude or the thought that she thinks I actually believe that."No phones. Not one single YM or Leader had a cell phone with them.
(at the sight of her nonchalant teen attitude head shaking, looking at her fingernails.)
EXPLOSION
"THERE ARE PHONES IN THE BUILDING. ON THE WALL OF THE LOBBY, CLERKS OFFICE, BISHOP'S OFFICE. Not one of them you could use????? DO YOU KNOW I JUST DROVE AROUND FOR AN HOUR LOOKING FOR YOU????? WONDERING IF YOU WERE DEAD SOMEWHERE???"
Classic Mom-guilt.
Her: "Well, I told AJ where I was going."
Me: "DID YOU TELL HIM EXACTLY THE SCENERIO?? BECAUSE ALL HE TOLD ME WAS THAT YOU WERE GOING TO YOUR ACTIVITY."
Her: lips forming a big 'O'.
Me: "yah. The guy I have to remind to take a shower and use soap everytime is supposed to remember that you are going to an activity that wasn't yours."
Cue entrance of the boy who had the message:
Me: Hey, did your sister give you a message about her activity??
Him: Uh, well, she said she was going to her activity now. And she left.
Me: looking pointedly at the teenager "Hm. D'ya Get my point?"
Her: oh, so softly "Yeah."
The rest of the conversation included threats if she ever did that again, tears ladened with guilt for all the fears that had crossed my mind when she was MIA, and the reminder that I would have to tell her Dad. I sent her to her room, to think about how scared I was, to ponder about common courtesy, and to come up with a way to fix all of this.
I know my mom probably is having another great giggle at memories of my own STUPIDNESS.
I'm sorry Mom. I really am. I had no idea. Amazing how smart you are now. Now that I'm going through it myself.
I have cooled down a bit, and she came in crying and very penitant...and called her leader to apologize....
but THIS mamma bear ain't playin'.
No More Mrs. Nice Mom.
*sigh*

"But for parenting teens you need a whole new set of tools."~~Roberta Zelleke