Renewal

Ok, I can honestly say, I am over the shock of the things that have come to light in recent days....and I can deal with it all. Not that I'm loving the idea...but....I know it will be only temporary. Recently, part of my recovery is me taking control of my life. (Odd eh? ha ha) I realize that I just have been exsisting, going through the motions, you know...making it though. Not exactly how I pictured my life. I picture myself (as my sister puts it) as a "MODERN DAY MORMON". A bit on the pioneerish side... (I always imagined that I would have made a great pioneer.) In my mind, I make homemade bread, have a clean home, organized schedule that I rarely break, well-behaved-smart kids, and keep up on all corespondances, perfect in my calling, dinner on the table right on time, my husband and I have a fabulous relationship, spent dating and writing love notes,and everyone goes to bed happy and glad to be part of this family. REALITY CHECK. I have gotten to the point that I don't always push FHE, forget to read my scriptures, run out of time to make homemade bread, only write letters (other than emails) at the holidays, sometimes dread putting effort into my calling, lucky if dinner is on the table before 7pm, and I'm rushed to get the kids in bed before 10pm. I don't even read to them anymore. And forget about the clean organized house. I just push the laundry basket onto the floor so I can get into bed, without even saying my nighttime personal prayers. And a relationship with my husband? I hardly make time for him these days, in retaliation for him not spending time with me. So.... Here is my plan. Getting back to Basics. If I have appointments all day, I will get up earlier to accomplish what I would have had I stayed home all day. (What a concept.) I will start my meal preperation first thing in the morning. I will make homemade bread at least once a week (gotta start somewhere). I will start the bedtime process between 7:30-8pm.I will read to my kids at night, tuck them in, and linger each night with a different child. I will stick to my cleaning schedule, even if it is the last thing I do before I go to bed. I will work harder to enjoy my calling. I will kiss my husband instead of waiting until he kisses me. I will plan dates, instead of waiting for him to ask me out. I will make sure we have FHE every week. I will read my scriptures every morning. And I will pray often.