Life

My dad isn't doing so hot. I don't think I've mentioned much about him in this blog... I usually don't hear much about it, or what to make of the little news I do get. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer May of 2004. He was here visiting when he discovered the lump. The prognosis is, he will die from this or complications of this. Problem is: We don't know how long. Could be 2 years, could be 20. At first, when he was diagnosed, I didn't know how to react. I cried a little, I was stunned, I was suprised that this could happen to my family. Dumb, I know, since the stats are so high these days. I thought a lot about my own mortality. I had a mamogram and a total physical. Before all of this- he hasn't been kind to his body. He has been tremendously overweight since he retired from the AirForce. We've all been worried for his health. He suffers high blood pressure, diabetes, and a myraid of other health problems, mostly to do with his weight. It scares me a lot since I tend to struggle with my weight. I am similar in habits as he has been, and I'm trying desperately to break the cycle. Anyway, he is now taking insulin for his diabetes... and his Oncologist has had to change his cancer/chemo medication. He is suffering from "CHEMO BRAIN" which, in a nutshell, means his brain is being fried by the harsh drugs. This leads to memory loss, and other not so nice things. So, he has to be taken off the only drug that has shrunken the tumors. Not good. But neither is the other option. I'm very sad, because I worry that this will be a long drawn out process.. where he suffers a lot before the end. I worry for my mom. She is such a strong person, but I can already tell that this takes its toll on her. He's had some infection in his foot...and at this point---they aren't sure if it is an infection from the outside in or inside out. He is taking naps now every day after work so he can at least stay awake through dinner. I wish there was some way to take all the suffering away. I'm sure he wishes that too.