How come it's not the happily ever after I imagined?
Thursday, January 20 2005
Ok Here is the subject I'm on after this weekend....Marriage. My sister and I have talked about this subject for many, many hours. Still, it always amazes me.In Young Womens, we are taught to live righteously, stay morally clean, work on our education, learn to be self sufficient and choose the right, and then find a good member of the church, preferably a return missionary, insist on a temple marriage, and life will beHappily Ever After.No one tells you how it really is. Maybe they didn't wanna scare us.Maybe, in the big scheme of things, it really is happily ever after, and I'm too close to the forest to see the trees.I know men are men. I know they think differently than women, but honestly, I think men use that as a crutch.I love my husband, don't get me wrong. He has a lot of great qualities. I do find, however, I assumed that he-being a return missionary-would lead our family in FHE, and family prayer/scripture study. I also assumed that he would be the one to always encourage attendance to all church meetings. That he would lead this family as a patriarch should.Oh how the old "ass-u-me" addage has bitten me in the rear.I have learned some hard lessons, and none more important than the one I have finally come to grips with.I am the one who will get this family to church. I am the one who will have to push family prayers and scripture study. I will have to be the one who never gives into the pressure of just wanting to stay home because it is "easier". I hate being the one who always does the pushing. It makes me the bad guy. It makes me the kill-joy.Maybe someday, my kids-and maybe even my husband-will be grateful that I am the religion-nazi.In the meantime, it is very lonely to be the first one up, and the last one down.It is very lonely and talking about it doesn't seem to change it... which makes me even more lonely.No one tells you that being a wife and mother, can be very lonely at times.
Ok Here is the subject I'm on after this weekend....Marriage. My sister and I have talked about this subject for many, many hours. Still, it always amazes me.In Young Womens, we are taught to live righteously, stay morally clean, work on our education, learn to be self sufficient and choose the right, and then find a good member of the church, preferably a return missionary, insist on a temple marriage, and life will beHappily Ever After.No one tells you how it really is. Maybe they didn't wanna scare us.Maybe, in the big scheme of things, it really is happily ever after, and I'm too close to the forest to see the trees.I know men are men. I know they think differently than women, but honestly, I think men use that as a crutch.I love my husband, don't get me wrong. He has a lot of great qualities. I do find, however, I assumed that he-being a return missionary-would lead our family in FHE, and family prayer/scripture study. I also assumed that he would be the one to always encourage attendance to all church meetings. That he would lead this family as a patriarch should.Oh how the old "ass-u-me" addage has bitten me in the rear.I have learned some hard lessons, and none more important than the one I have finally come to grips with.I am the one who will get this family to church. I am the one who will have to push family prayers and scripture study. I will have to be the one who never gives into the pressure of just wanting to stay home because it is "easier". I hate being the one who always does the pushing. It makes me the bad guy. It makes me the kill-joy.Maybe someday, my kids-and maybe even my husband-will be grateful that I am the religion-nazi.In the meantime, it is very lonely to be the first one up, and the last one down.It is very lonely and talking about it doesn't seem to change it... which makes me even more lonely.No one tells you that being a wife and mother, can be very lonely at times.
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