*groan, moan*

That dirty little word...Excercise....!I have made a break-through. The thought of excercise does not lead me to the inevitable groan and sigh. I actually feel a difference in my commitment to a healthier life. My friend, Linda, is 60 years old. She looks about 40-something... actually very early 40-something. She has two grown daughters and one cute little grandbaby. She is very healthy, at 5'4" she is a size 4 I think. She is not just fit and trim, but has a great mind-set about nutrition and healthy eating, excercise. To put it kindly, I generally have a bad attitude about people that are size 4. To be honest, it isn't their fault. It's just, I generally discover almost everything I hate about my big fat body when I am around these healthy types. I want to be more like them, but hate myself for not wanting it bad enough to do everything it takes to be a size 4. Actually a size 12 would be just fine with me. :) Every year with the resoulution time, I ALWAYS pick the unattainable "LOSE WEIGHT" resolution. I really think that by writing it down and trying to convince myself, that it will really happen. I think that magically, somehow, the desire will supercede all else and I will just never want that MILKA bar or that NUTELLA. Or that I will just be able to limit myself when I go out to our favorite Schnitzel Haus. It never does. I am a pretty active person. I work out generally 3-4 times a week. Some weeks are better than others. Last year, when I walked with my friend, Suzy, we averaged 4 miles a day, 5 days a week, in just under 45 minutes each day. That was for almost a year and a 1/2. Oh, I lost a good 10 lbs. But not much, considering how hard I was working out. DISCOURAGING. I tried the South Beach, Atkins, and even Dr. Phil. I tried to limit what I ate, and ended up wanting (and giving into) more , more, more. By the fall of last year, I decided to never diet again. I decided to eat more like the Word of Wisdom. I decided not to deprive myself of things I wanted, just adjust my food consumption to incorporate it. Do you realize how much time I spent punishing myself for not "sticking" to a diet? I had no idea. I never realized exactly what I was feeling. I just hated it. I hated me. I realized most of my self esteem was wrapped up in what I looked like. I also discovered the joy in working out. I WANT to work out. I look forward to it. I have made different choices to make it possible to work out every day. Before, I would just work out because I knew I should or I'd end up a 900 lb gorrilla. I like the way I feel after a great workout. It spurs me on. I don't pretend that I am going to be a size 12 by next week, and that I will never struggle with weight, working out, or body image self esteem. I just feel I've made a break-through and intend to work hard at keeping it. Change is a good thing.